"I always remind people from outside our state that there’s plenty of room for all Alaska’s animals — right next to the mashed potatoes."

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The Colonel explained to me that 1. this was Alaska's room, and that 2. she had a single room because the girl who was supposed to be her roommate got kicked out at the end of last year, and that 3. Alaska had cigarettes, although the Colonel neglected to ask whether 4. I smoked, which 5. I didn't.

— John Green