"I think American men are more conscious of putting up a good impression. There's more of an earthiness to Englishmen. But Americans aren't afraid to come up and say, "Hi, I'd like to go out with you." Englishmen are far more sheepish about it."

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I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage.' Number two: 'We have medication for this.' And number three: 'It was more than an ounce and he was less than a hundred yards from the school.'

— Bill Engvall