Tim Vine Quotes | So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your...

"So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness"."

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I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

— Tim Vine

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

— Tim Vine

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