"It seems a stray bullet actually pierced the testicle of a Union soldier and lodged itself in the ovaries of a woman standing approximately 100 ft. away. She's alright, the baby's doing fine...ofcourse the soldier's a little pissed off."

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As a Republican, I have listened to Democrats talk about the only two times we won the White House in like 200 years that we stole both elections. I had to sit through Fahrenheit 9/11 and a lady was sobbing violently behind me about the election being stolen by George Bush and I patted her half way through and said, 'it's alright, it's alright. It's all a lie anyway.' Democrats have been whining for 16 years, they're still writing articles about how Bush stole the election in 2004 and 2000.

— Joe Scarborough