"The difference between a drunk and a alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings."

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I am not an alcoholic. I'm a social catalyst. People pay me to illustrate for other partygoers the chemical process involved in transforming from one persona into another drunker, more fun one. It's a matter of going from dull point A to exciting point B. And I'm a raving success at it. So successful that sometimes I wind up at Mysterious Point C.

— Josh Kilmer-Purcell