"Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up."

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Hey, I stopped smoking cigarettes. Isn't that something? I'm on to cigars now. I'm on to a five-year plan. I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then I go to pipes, then I go to chewing tobacco, then I'm on to that nicotine gum

— John Candy