"The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington."

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My father looked like he was having a stroke— not that Mel seemed to notice because he just kept talking. “Patrick needs a ride. No car, you know, and so I figured, hey, I can pick up some gas money.” He laughed. No one else did, and now Patrick looked like he was trying to push himself inside the door and hide.

— Elizabeth Scott