Asmodeus Quotes

Asmodeus! You don’t see her, do you hear me? (Jericho) Completely blind, Minor Master. Hearing is intact. Is there anyone here besides the two of us? No? Good. I’m leaving now unless Minor Master has another preferably nonpainful task for me. (Asmodeus) You're dismissed. (Jericho) Cool beaners. (Asmodeus)

How long have you been here? (Jericho) Don’t know. Again, tried to count once, got depressed so I stopped. I find it easier to just go with the flow. Ease with the peas. (Asmodeus) Ease with the peas? (Jericho) Yeah, that’s not a happy memory, either. Let’s forget I mentioned it. (Asmodeus)

Where are we? (Jericho) Noir’s happy place. It’s where he brings the beings he wants to play with. (Asmodeus) Punish. (Jericho) You say ta-mah-to. I say to-mah-to. (Asmodeus)

You rang, Mino- well, you’re not really the Minor Master anymore, are you? What should I call you? (Asmodeus) Think of a polite term, demon. (Jericho) Mister Master it is. What can I do for you? (Asmodeus)

If I’m not back in a few hours…well, I don’t want to think about that. I might change my mind about doing this. I’m thinking happy thoughts. Creamed dog innards and rotten steak. Yeah. Yum! (Asmodeus)

Here we are. Maybe I should warn you before we enter...(Asmodeus) (Jericho stepped past him and threw open the door.) Or maybe not. Let’s just barge in and be surprised, shall we? (Asmodeus)

Why would you help us? (Delphine) I hear stupidity is a fatal disease. Doing my own experimentation to see if that’s true or not. If I survive, we’ll know it’s not. If I die…well, it’ll suck. Bad. And I won’t be happy. (Asmodeus)

How many demons and people are enslaved here? (Jericho) Define slavery. (Asmodeus) Kept against their will. (Jericho) Good definition. Counting me? (Asmodeus) Why not? (Jericho) Probably a couple of million…you know it’s really hard to count to a million, plus they’re always dying and new ones are coming in. I tried to count once, but it got really depressing so I stopped. The constant adding and subtracting. Not my forte, really. (Asmodeus)

Oh, hello, me lovely, we haven’t met. Asmodeus, demon extraordinaire, at your service. Any service you may require, especially those that involve nudity and adjoining body parts joining other people’s body parts. (Asmodeus)

We have certain demons who are motivated by the smell of food. They tend to get rather violent whenever they smell it. I personally wouldn’t be caught eating anything because I would end up dead. You might not. But you’d still have to fight them, and since some of them are rather ugly and really, really smelly, it might spoil your appetite. Then again, maybe not. Doesn’t spoil Noir’s. I think it makes him hungrier, especially when he guts them. Sick, but true. (Asmodeus)

Are you always this random? (Jericho) Mostly. It really irritates Noir. Which is just an added bonus for me. At least so long as I can outrun him. (Asmodeus) Add me to that list of people you annoy. (Jericho) Oh. You’re not going to singe my testicles over it, are you?! (Asmodeus) No plans to. (Jericho) Good. We can be friends, then. (Asmodeus)

Technical advisor. Since you know our enemies so well, we’re going to pick your brain. (Jericho) I’ll tell you what you want to know. There's no need to torture me for it. (Asmodeus) Pick your brain is an idiomatic expression, Asmodeus. It means we’ll have you tell us things. We’re not actually going in there to mess with your head. (Delphine) Oh, thank the Source. I can’t stand it when someone opens my skull. It really hurts. (Asmodeus)

I think they’re having trouble adjusting to the emotions they have outside of their dreams. At any rate, they keep acting like demented teenagers from a porno version of a John Hughes film. (Asmodeus)