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— Bob Monkhouse"I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate."
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I don't know how old I am because a goat ate the Bible that had my birth certificate in it. The goat lived to be twenty-seven.
— Satchel Paige
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Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license.
— David Letterman
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