"It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant."

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You can't have an honest fourth grade school teacher. Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Johnny, your son, your only child, the fruit of your loin, is a moron. I have no idea how this kid finds a door to get out of the house in the morning. If I were you, I would waste him and start over. Now, I say that with all due respect.

— Dom Irrera