"You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law."

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When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"

— Mitch Hedberg