"As a kid I was always writing and directing plays in my basement with my neighborhood cronies. But please don't get me wrong, I have zero regrets when it comes to the acting stuff. I think it's made me a better director."

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He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures... but he was never in them.

— Erma Bombeck