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— David Letterman"Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water."
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Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.
— David Letterman
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The most important thing in comedy - apart from empathy, which I think is important even if disguised - is surprise. I like surprising people with the fact that something's even a joke at all.
— Ricky Gervais
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