"Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr."

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E'en Beauty mourns in her decaying bower, That Time upon her angel brow should set His crooked autograph, and mar the jet Of glossy locks. Lo! how her chaplet green, The hoar frost and the canker worm destroy. Decay's dull film obscures those matchless eyes.

— Isaac McLellan