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— George Carlin"Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes."
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It's 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It's enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren't there that are alive.
— Bob Saget
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
— Joan Rivers
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