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— Henny Youngman"I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in."
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This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."
— Oprah Winfrey
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Life is a whoopee cushion, a chair pulled away just as you were taking a seat.
— Wally Lamb
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