"Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back."

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Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling."

— Jim Gaffigan