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— Jim Gaffigan"Do you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling.""
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I let it ring. I wanted to breathe for a few minutes, and I could think of nothing that couldn't wait. Besides, I had paid almost $50 for an answering machine. Let it earn its keep.
— Jeff Lindsay
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Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back.
— Janeane Garofalo
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