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— Kevin Nealon"I think I sent out some résumés for marketing jobs, and they all came back in the mail because I didn't have enough postage."
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Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
— Bill Engvall
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It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"
— Jim Gaffigan
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