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— Norm MacDonald"My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died."
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You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?
— Larry the Cable Guy
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
— Demetri Martin
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