"People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely because chickens run about so absurdly that it's impossible to count them accurately."

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Here's what the kids get. They get free McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken for a year, and 52 six-packs of Pepsi. And I'm thinking, well, actually, it might be healthier if they were taking steroids.

— David Letterman