"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."

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I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely in conflict with what I do. But once I deliver the first joke I'm okay. It's like I'm out there all by myself just delivering my lines to nobody in particular without ever trying to notice the audience in front of me.

— Steven Wright