Funny Baseball Quotes

The hardest thing to do in baseball is to hit a round baseball with a round bat, squarely.

You have only two hemispheres in your brain - a left and a right side. The left side controls the right side of your body and the right controls the left half. It's a fact. Therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right minds.

If God wanted football played in the spring, he would not have invented baseball.

A man once told me to walk with the Lord. I'd rather walk with the bases loaded.

It's no coincidence that female interest in the sport of baseball has increased greatly since the ballplayers swapped those wonderful old-time baggy flannel uniforms for leotards.

Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.

Chicks who dig home runs aren't the ones who appeal to me. I think there's sexiness in infield hits because they require technique. I'd rather impress the chicks with my technique than with my brute strength. Then, every now and then, just to show I can do that, too, I might flirt a little by hitting one out.

With the money I'm making, I should be playing two positions.

You don't realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth.

I managed a team that was so bad we considered a 2-0 count on the batter a rally.

The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.

Baseball is a lot like the Army, there aren't many individuals. About the only difference is that baseball players get to stay in nice hotels instead of barracks.

People think [baseball players] make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

The greatest feeling in the world is to win a major league game. The second-greatest feeling is to lose a major league game.

Baseball is reassuring. It makes me feel as if the world is not going to blow up.

A critic once characterized baseball as six minutes of action crammed into two-and-one-half hours.

Ninety feet between home plate and first base may be the closest man has ever come to perfection.

Baseball is a fun game. It beats working for a living.

You know you're pitching well when the batters look as bad as you do at the plate.

You don't save a pitcher for tomorrow. Tomorrow it may rain.

I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar.

Ninety percent of this game is half mental.

There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them work.

Baseball fans love numbers. They love to swirl them around their mouths like Bordeaux wine.

It gets late early out there.

When Steve and I die, we are going to be buried in the same cemetery, 60-feet 6-inches apart.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.

What are we at the park for except to win? I'd trip my mother. I'd help her up, brusher her off, tell her I'm sorry. But mother don't make it to third.

To a pitcher, a base hit is the perfect example of negative feedback.

Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants you to quit when you're ahead.

How can you think and hit at the same time?

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance.

The pitcher has to find out if the hitter is timid. And if the hitter is timid, he has to remind the hitter he's timid.

I knew when my career was over. In 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

Why do people sing Take Me Out to The Ballgame when they're already there?

Just take the ball and throw it where you want to. Throw strikes. Home plate don't move.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.

It's a round ball and a round bat, and you got to hit it square.

I became a good pitcher when I stopped trying to make them miss the ball and started trying to make them hit it.

During my 18 years I came to bat almost 10,000 times. I struck out about 1,700 times and walked maybe 1,800 times. You figure a ballplayer will average about 500 at-bats a season. That means I played 7 years without ever hitting the ball.

I played seven years without ever hitting the ball.

Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?

Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.

He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.

You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours.

Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.

If you don't know where you're going any road will do