Funny New Years Resolution Quotes

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.

If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am.

What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, "sup?"

Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty.

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the years'.

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bileless New Year and leave it at that.

Every new year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows.

Dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.

Each age has deemed the new-born year the fittest time for festal cheer.

One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: ‘To rise above little things’.

The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

Let each new year find you a better person.

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.

I would say happy new year, but it's not happy; it's exactly the same as last year except colder.

Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since.

Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.

May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early!

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.

May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!

Ring out the false, ring in the true.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

We spend January 1st walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives...not looking for flaws, but for potential.

the object of a new year is not that we should have a new year, but rather that we should have a new soul.

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.

For last year's words belong to last year's language And next year's words await another voice.

Let our New Year's resolution be this: we will be there for one another as fellow members of humanity, in the finest sense of the word.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

Celebrate what you want to see more of.

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.