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Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
Sep 16, 2025
I remember one day I was kissing Mason and he spit up in my mouth and I loved it.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
I used to do the beat box. A friend of mine, he was the rapper and after, we'd be doing a block party or something or a house party, and he's gettin' all the attention and I'd end up with a handful of spit, you know, from doing the beats.
Now, if someone wants to spit on me, I just roll up the window of my BMW 540i.
The realities of getting up in the morning with two children and being covered in spit-up and totally filthy make me excited to imagine clothes that aren't made for baby puke. Dressing nicely is a dream now.
I wouldn't even hold my kids sometimes because I didn't want them to spit up on me when I was dressed for an awards show.
People often ask me, "What's the difference between couplehood and babyhood?" In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources-all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry.
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