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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sep 10, 2025
My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.
People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
Old age takes away from us what we have inherited and gives us what we have earned.
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'
We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.
At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all.
Human beings can be beautiful. If they are not beautiful it is entirely their own fault. It is what they do to themselves that makes them ugly. The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it.
Live your life and forget your age.
There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
At 50, don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. Happy 50th birthday.
We are always the same age inside.
Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
All diseases run into one, old age.
No man is ever old enough to know better.
There is still no cure for the common birthday.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
Time and tide wait for no man.
Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
The first forty years of life give us the text; the next thirty supply the commentary on it.
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.
What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy.
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.