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Old age is not for sissies.
Oct 1, 2025
There must be a day or two in a man's life when he is the precise age for something important.
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same.
I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.
Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
At times is it seems that I am living my life backward, and that at the approach of old age my real youth will begin. My soul was born covered with wrinkles. Wrinkles my ancestors and parents most assiduously put there and that I had the greatest trouble removing.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.
After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.
Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed.
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
Ignore reality, there's nothing you can do about it.
Today you are you! That is truer than true!
They tell you that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much.
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.
Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.
The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.
Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
There is still no cure for the common birthday.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.
It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.
Whatever with the past has gone, The best is always yet to come.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
Time and tide wait for no man.
Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.
Live as long as you may, the first twenty years are the longest half of your life.
Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.
If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.