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— Andy Borowitz"Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one."
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My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."
— Judy Tenuta
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.
— Mitch Hedberg
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