Funny American Football Quotes

Tell Ray to put the eyeliner, the lipstick and the high heels away. I'm not saying he's a cross-dresser, that's just what I heard.

Detroit's so bad this year they might lose their bye week.

I'd catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL.

The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract.

If the Super Bowl is really the ultimate game, why do they play it again next year?

I have 2 weapons; my arms, my legs and my brain.

Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.

People say I'll be drafted in the first round, maybe even higher.

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?

I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body.

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.

Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport.

We can't run. We can't pass. We can't stop the run. We can't stop the pass. We can't kick. Other than that, we're just not a very good football team right now.

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today.

Football is not a game but a religion, a metaphysical island of fundamental truth in a highly verbalized, disguised society, a throwback of 30,000 generations of anthropological time.

There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team's goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally.

Let's face it, you have to have a slightly recessive gene that has a little something to do with the brain to go out on the football field and beat your head against other human beings on a daily basis.

Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.

You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.

I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.

There are two kinds of people in the world, Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And, quite frankly, they're both a pain in the ass.

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.

There are two kinds of people in the world, observers and non-observers.

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.

Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally.

Distance running to a professional athlete in my day was five laps around the field. And you stopped each lap to take your pulse.

There are several differences between a footballl game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also there are more injuries at a football game.

I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.

If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same.

Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.

I'm a firm believer that all sports will eventually be global. Someday, we may have a quarterback from China named Yao Fling.

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.

Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.

Football is easy if you're crazy as hell.

When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something.

Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it.

You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.

You guys line up alphabetically by height.

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.