Funny Fathers Day Quotes

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

"Reverence for parents" stands written among the three laws of most revered righteousness.

Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's.

A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

I have always had the feeling I could do anything and my dad told me I could. I was in college before I found out he might be wrong.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.

Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers and fathering is a very important stage in their development.

You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.

It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.

There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself.

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons.

A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry.

There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother's always a Democrat.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.

It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, 'You're tearing up the grass'; 'We're not raising grass,' Dad would reply. 'We're raising boys.'

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.

To her, the name of father was another name for love.

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

The greatest gift I ever had Came from God; I call him Dad!

To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter.

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.

He's [Harry S. Truman] just your dad, and you love him. It's only when you grow up, and step back from him, or leave him for your own career and your own home - it's only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it. Pride reinforces love. My father was a great man.

If your dad is anything like mine, then you have no clue what to buy him for Father's Day. The only Father's Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, 'Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father's Day this year?' and he says, 'Nothing.' Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, 'He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No. 5 perfume.'

Choose a career you love and you will never have to go to work.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.

My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.

When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

The best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.