Funny Mother Quotes

Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

I'm a mother with two small children, so I don't take as much crap as I used to.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

OF COURSE I'd like to be the ideal mother. But I'm too busy raising children.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Only mothers can think of the future - because they give birth to it in their children.

She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along.

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow.

The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom.

Most mothers kiss and scold together.

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.

Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.

I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

A mother has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

Youth fades, love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all.

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother.

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay.

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.