Funny Motherhood Quotes

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

OF COURSE I'd like to be the ideal mother. But I'm too busy raising children.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Only mothers can think of the future - because they give birth to it in their children.

She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along.

[A] mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled.

The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom.

Most mothers kiss and scold together.

Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials.

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not.

By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

A mother has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

Youth fades, love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

Women's liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one is likely to do anything about that.

Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it.

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.

That best academy, a mother's knee.

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.