Fart Quotes

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

She's a warm fart at Christmas.

At my age, you sort of fart your way into a role.

People say that you always have to tell the truth. But they do not mean this because you are not allowed to tell old people that they are old and you are not allowed to tell people if they smell funny or if a grown-up has made a fart. And you are not allowed to say, 'I don't like you,' unless that person has been horrible to you.

You're all mad for words. Words are just farts from a lot of fools who have swallowed too many books. Give me things!

I fart in your general direction.

You stand out like a fart in a church.

And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.

Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is. Come let us fart in the home. There is no art in a fart. Still a fart may not be artless. Let us fart and artless fart in the home.

Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.

Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on.

Actions defined a man; words were a fart in the wind

I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?

Your job today is to pass gas. You do that and we can start feeding you liquids. No fart, no food.

What is like a smelly fart, that, although invisible is obvious? One's own faults, that are precisely As obvious as the effort made to hide them.

A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts

A man who farts in bed . . . is a man who loves life.

Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.

Relationships are like farting, If you push too hard things could get messy real fast.

Fart for freedom, fart for liberty—and fart proudly.

Every man knows the smell of his own fart.

Just let them sit in the goddam sun. But the world won't let them because there's nothing more dangerous than letting old farts sit in the sun. They might be thinking. Same thing with kids. Keep 'em busy or they might start thinking.

ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.

The moral of the story is we're here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don't realize, or they don't care, is we're dancing animals. You know, we love to move around.

Electronic communities build nothing. You wind up with nothing. We are dancing animals. How beautiful it is to get up and go out and do something. We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

You know what, I think maybe it's because men like to fart, and the host wants to be able to sit in his writers' room and just pass gas freely. Me, I'm a lady. I'm dainty. I know to get up and leave the room and go to my office.

Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word 'fart' makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there's nothing funnier.

The rest of the guys in Sabbath became boring old farts, and there I was, this crazy guy, still into wrecking hotel rooms and having parties.

I'm a fart in a gale of wind, a humble violet under a cow pat.

On the downside, to paraphrase Thom Yorke talking about the music business, we're still having to deal with the stench of the last fart of the dying corpse of this regressive vision that America is a white, middle-aged, male, conservative country.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.

My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts.

Confucius once said that a bear could not fart at the North Pole without causing a big wind in Chicago.

No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!

I once lay in a white hospital for the dying and the dying self, where some god pissed a rain of reason to make things grow only to die, where on my knees I prayed for LIGHT, I prayed for l*i*g*h*t, and praying crawled like a blind slug into the web where threads of wind stuck against my mind and I died of pity for Man, for myself, on a cross without nails, watching in fear as the pig belches in his sty, farts, blinks and eats.

Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.

Clichés are static, the emotion behind them long spent. If you are tempted to use them, here is a saying of my mother’s: Fang pi bu-cho, cho pi bu-fang. Basically that translates to: "Loud farts don’t stink, and the really smelly ones don’t make a sound." In other words: When you’re full of beans, you just blow a lot of hot air. If you want to have a real impact, be deadly but silent. Oh, also recognize the difference between a bad cliché and a good quotation. My mother’s saying is a good quotation. You should use it often.

A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass.

This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his returne the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart.

A fart is just your arse applauding.

I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

A sneeze travels at a peak velocity of two hundred miles per hour. A burp, more slowly; a fart, slower yet. But a kiss thrown by fingers- its departure is sudden, its arrival ambiguous, and there is no source that can state with authority what speeds are reached in its flight.

No matter how politely one says it, we owe our existence to the farts of blue-green algae.

The devaluation of music and what it's now deemed to be worth is laughable to me. My single costs 99 cents. That's what a single cost in 1960. On my phone, I can get an app for 99 cents that makes fart noises - the same price as the thing I create and speak to the world with. Some would say the fart app is more important. It's an awkward time. Creative brains are being sorely mistreated.