Stupid Funny Quotes

I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we did live forever, then we would live forever, which is why I would not live forever.

Sometimes he hated that voice in his brain, the one that slapped him upside the head anytime he got too stupid. Funny, it happened a lot with Sienna.

I'm just saying stupid, funny things when I'm hanging out on the TV show. When I'm making music I'm in a completely different zone.

Relationships are like farting, If you push too hard things could get messy real fast.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am - I am filled with humidity.

The internet is a great way to get on the net.

Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.

I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.

I've never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don't like eating fish and I know that's very popular out there in Africa.

I want to go to there.

I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history.

I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.

I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.

I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?

Is this chicken what I have or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Mere animals couldn’t possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid.

I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.

Pitching is 80% of the game and the other half is hitting and fielding.

The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours.

I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them.

I owe a lot to my parents, especially by mother and my father.

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.