Funniest Sports Quotes

The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level.

I don't want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win.

I've never seen anyone go on the DL with pulled fat.

Fade into Bolivian, I guess.

I've had to overcome a lot of diversity.

I ain't gonna be no escape-goat!

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.

[My] career was sputtering until [I] did a 360 and got headed in the right direction.

I don't think there's anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers...I mean Chargers.

Well, Rickey's not one of them, so that's 49 percent right there.

You can sum up this sport in two words: You never know.

I can dribble with my right hand and I can dribble with my left hand. I'm amphibious.

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey.

The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract.

I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.

Booze, broads and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?

Statistics are like bikinis-they show a lot but not everything.

I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it.

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win.

Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something.

Ray Lewis is the type of guy, if he were in a fight with a bear I wouldn't help him, I'd pour honey on him because he likes to fight. That's the type of guy Ray Lewis is.

These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.

They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds.

I'd be willing to bet you, if I was a betting man, that I have never bet on baseball.

I went through baseball as a player to be named later.

Ninety percent of this game is half mental.

The lead car is unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.

My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

We're not attempting to circumcise rules.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you're getting your ass hammered by guys, there's no better feeling than to have that done.

Yeah, I'm cocky and I am arrogant. But that doesn't mean I'm not a nice person.

The Mets just had their first .500-or-better April since July of 1992.

Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable.

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious.

They don't think it be like it is, but it do.

I owe a lot to my parents, especially by mother and my father.

You guys line up alphabetically by height.

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.