Great Simpsons Quotes

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds...it makes ice.

And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.

Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.

I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

Art is what separates us from the animals.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Guilt, remorse. It's what separates us from the animals.

If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong! And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.

It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose.

Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.

Homer no function beer well without.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?

You can't handle the truth!