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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Sep 13, 2025
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about. It's a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work. The trouble with computers is that you 'play' with them!
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.
The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.
We've created life in our own image.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow.
Any fool can use a computer. Many do.
No matter how slick the demo is in rehearsal, when you do it in front of a live audience the probability of a flawless presentation is inversely proportional to the number of people watching, raised to the power of the amount of money involved.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.
When someone says, "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done," give him a lollipop.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is.
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.
The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it's too late.
I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.
The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
The most amazing achievement of the computer software industry is its continuing cancellation of the steady and staggering gains made by the computer hardware industry.
If at first you don't succeed, Call an airstrike.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls Royce would today cost $100 and get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
I think computer viruses should count as life.
I think computer viruses should count as life ... I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.
Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
The best way to predict the future is to study the past, or prognosticate.
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.