Funny Women Quotes

I don't think that [Hillary Clinton] can turn around her honesty and trustworthiness problems with one speech, but she could present herself tonight as more relatable, give people a glimpse of that warm, funny woman the people who meet her in small groups and one-on-one say that she is.

I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.

I remember watching Gilda Radner when I was a kid and everyone thought she was so funny and no one ever said that she was a funny woman, she was just funny.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

What's so great about working with really funny women is that vanity comes second. Whatever makes it real and funny, they're going to go for, and it's just great.

To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer.

All pretty girls are a trap, a pretty trap, and men expect them to be.

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.

Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we should never need solace.

The only reason I'd ever get a sex change operation is to see what it's like to be right all the time.

If God made anything better than women, I think he kept it for himself.

All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men.

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.

A woman should soften but not weaken a man.

I prefer the word 'homemaker' because 'housewife' always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.

Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.

I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

I love funny women, and just being around them talking is fine with me. I love an interesting mind.

Saying yes all the time won't make me Wonder Woman. It will make me a worn out woman.

There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I'll be happy when people can just move on from that, and things can just be 'comedies' and not 'female' or 'male,' and everyone gets an equal opportunity.

If you feel rooted in your home and family, if you're active in your community, there's nothing more empowering. The best way to make a difference in the world is to start by making a difference in your own life.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

I've always loved independent women, outspoken women, eccentric women, funny women, flawed women. When someone says about a woman, 'I'm sorry, that's just wrong,' I tend to think she must be doing something right.

The men liked to put me down as the best woman painter. I think I'm one of the best painters.

I married beneath me. All women do.

A husband only worries about a particular Other Man; a wife distrusts her whole species.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce.

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.

I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.

I think there have always been funny women, from Carol Burnett to Joan Rivers. When the audience sees a woman, they innately know she's worked twice as hard to get there, she's had to prove that she can be the leader, first, and then be funny on top of it. She has to emit a confidence that she's in control.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Let's face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me.

I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.

I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they're the first to be rescued off sinking ships.

I trained at The Groundlings and was surrounded by some very funny women and also some very unfunny men. I didn't feel a sense of things being different because I was a girl.

It upsets women to be, or not to be, stared at hungrily.

A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

It’s crazy. Since there have been men and women, there have been funny women... f**king idiot-ass men keep saying that women aren't funny. It makes me crazy. I find it disgusting and offensive every time.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

From birth to age 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.