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Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then a thousand more.
Sep 10, 2025
Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!
The bravest thing that men do is love women.
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
You can't put a price tag on preparation for a pandemic.
I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.
Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.
Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
No matter how lovesick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along!
Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day.
Women are cursed, and men are the proof.
Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.
Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.
On Valentine's Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the emotion that also motivates men to observe anniversaries and birthdays-fear.
I was in a band called The Valentines and they broke up last week.
A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Somebody, my daughter or my wife, gave me a music box for Christmas. It plays "My Funny Valentine" on celeste, you know? So I had Bobby [Irving] just play "Jean Pierre" with the changes on celeste.
There's a certain part of the contented majority who love anybody who is worth a billion dollars.
A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years.
I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.
A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.
I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck.
This is love: to fly toward a secret sky
Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
Love is a game that two can play and both win.
Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.
Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.