One Liner Quotes

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence.

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.

People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.

People's expectations of what I'm capable of doing are very low. People have been used to hearing little one-liners and me play around.

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

I circumnavigate the globe with a one-liner like latitude.

The actors come in and they make characters their own and so Patrick and I have never been the kind to think that our script is the bible. We want to make sure that the story is told, that you stick to the story but if you have to make changes to the character then that's fine. A lot of times there are some funny one-liners, funny things that happen that are out of the ordinary. I like it.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

I have this terrific make-up man. But he's expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.

Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer.

He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

I felt I wasn't getting anywhere in England.

Every Republican has a one-liner on ObamaCare. I've got detailed plans on energy independence, on school choice, on health care, on foreign policy. They all hire somebody to write their plans. They can borrow mine. I've actually got ideas. Enough with the slick talkers. Let's elect somebody that's done something.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

It never felt real to me. I never felt I had complete ownership over Bond. Because you'd have these stupid one-liners - which I loathed - and I always felt phony doing them.

I have hundreds of Word documents filled with pages of one-liners. If I begin to write a story, or if one of my thoughts leads to more than a couple paragraphs of writing, I'll go into these documents and pull out lines that I think would work with it.

It gave dirty politics a bad name.

I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I've always been long-winded.

I can't compete with the Michael Bays of the world in regard to special effects and that kind of stuff. But you can compete in the dialogue and the one liners and the original characterisations and I think that's what people are responding to.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

Endeavors that help me satisfy you, my goddess of desire, pleasure, and corny one-liners.

No, and in fact I get a bit frustrated, because I'm actually quite good at one-liners, and I've had hundreds of them over the years, and they sink without trace, and I get very frustrated. Every party conference I really work on the speeches, and I always have two or three things I'm quite proud of, and no one ever remembers them.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.

I think Twitter is kind of fun, it's not deep and it never will be, but it's a great way to communicate one-liners and to sort of see what people are laughing about. It's a terrific source of misinformation.

The truth is that Ron is my hero. He's always there for his friends - sometimes belligerently, but there nevertheless. He's also the comic relief in stressful situations; the funny guy with a great one-liner. And no matter how scared he may be, he will put aside his fears to support and protect the people he loves. To me, that represents true courage.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Donald [Trump], is great at - at the one-liners, but he's a chaos candidate.

I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of humor I like. I like the goofy one-liner type stuff.

My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still have a bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid marmalade.

I always love it whenever Rose delivers one of her witty one-liners—particularly when it’s a completely serious situation. The contrast always amuses me, but then, I’m biased.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The Chinese are quite entrepreneurial. Remember when Lenovo bought IBM's PC division. It was said that China didn't need a brand name, China didn't need to buy Lenovo to get into the PC business, I remember reading a one-liner somewhere which struck me as quite possibly true, it said the one thing that the Chinese had not been able to copy or figure out was the way, in terms of systems, that Americans - it probably would be true for Europeans as well - that Americans install and live by their management systems, while China is still quite half-assed. Perhaps that is a true statement.

I think of myself as a theatre comic instead of club comic because I tend to talk for a bit before I start being funny. I don't really do the one-liners and five second bits or whatever. But it's good to work stuff out sometimes.

I don't think of any sentence as a "one-liner", but I do pay attention to how people actually speak when they are being funny. Rhythm is key.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I want to do it all. I want to climb mountains, go through jungles, fight wars in space, get the girl, shoot the bad-guy full of lead, have all the zippy one liners, bulge muscles out of a singlet, drip sweat and blood on screen, all of that.

I'm in awe of comedians that do things that I can't do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be - hell, Carrot Top. I can't be Carrot Top. I can't.

Lots of travel, away from home.

Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.

[Arnold Schwarzenegger] is funny. Some great one-liners, some great banter between him and the contestants [on "The Apprentice" ]. And he's good!

Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me.

The willingness of America's veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

What a shame to be so afraid of failure that you stop living. My wife has a great one-liner about failure: "Never consider yourself a failure-you can always serve as a bad example." She is right. Failure can be a better teacher than success.

Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless.

If you don't know where you're going any road will do