Thanksgiving Funny Quotes

Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving.

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.

God is glorified, not by our groans, but by our thanksgivings.

God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.

May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the 'history' I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America's traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it's a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

Best of all is it to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song.

I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

Remember God's bounty in the year. String the pearls of His favor. Hide the dark parts, except so far as they are breaking out in light! Give this one day to thanks, to joy, to gratitude!

Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'

I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online.

There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.

The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!

If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.

It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful 'in general.' It's very strange. It's a little like being married in general.

We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven; we have been preserved these many years in peace and prosperity; we have grown in numbers, wealth, and power as no other nation has ever grown.

Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.

For each new morning with its light, For rest and shelter of the night, For health and food, for love and friends, For everything Thy goodness sends.

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue but the parent of all the other virtues.

Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.

The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'

You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Gratitude can turn a meal into a feast.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.