Dark Sarcasm Quotes

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

For every single dark night there is a brighter day.

For every dark night, there is a brighter day.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Don't be humble... you're not that great.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.