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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? "Damn I got to get the hell out of here!" "What was I thinking!"
Sep 10, 2025
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.
Usually I'm on top to keep the guy from escaping.
Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.
The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.
After being alive, the next hardest work is having sex. Of course, for some people it isn't work because they need the exercise and they've got the energy for the sex and the sex gives them even more energy. Some people get energy from sex and some people lose energy from sex. I have found that it's too much work. But if you have the time for it, and if you need that exercise-then you should do it.
I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.
The best sex education for kids is when Daddy pats Mommy on the fanny when he comes home from work.
For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.
Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain't over 'til you both get your cookie.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be.
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
A student undergoing a word association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: "Because everything does."
Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing.
Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume?
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.
For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure.
Being popular is the most important thing in the world!
Family is the most important thing in the world.