Redneck Humor Quotes

You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

If your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?

You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.