Black Humor Quotes

It was a strange man, a kind of black humorist, a true philosopher. One day he said: "If my books could ensure an increase in the number of murders, well, it will mean that they have been quite useful in some way or another."

My film is very simple: An Eastern European story full of black humor about things everyone can feel and understand.

Americans aren't accepting of black humor, it's terrible.

The biggest influence on my writing, besides snagging some ideas about black humor, was that the paper mill had a program where they paid 75 percent of the tuition and book [costs] for employees who wanted to go to college part-time.

I'm probably a lot closer than perhaps the contents of my early fiction suggest to a jaded Denny's waitress with smoker's-lung-black humor than a ghost hunter.

You start out with Mad magazine, and you go right through the sort of black humor of Lenny Bruce, Lord Buckley, Mort Sahl, Paul Krassner... If you put Lenny together with Mad magazine and run it through the brain of a college student, you get National Lampoon.

I use a lot of humor in my writing. But it's completely black humor.

Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.

The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.

You can talk any redneck into a challenge. That’s why so many rednecks die in strange ways.

When in doubt, blow something up.

A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

I found my personal style in black humor and mixing funny things with very touching ones - like trying to force people to cry and smile almost at the same moment.

No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

You can't slit the throat of everyone whose character it would improve.

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Say what you want about the deaf.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Just tell the truth, and they'll accuse you of writing black humor.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'

The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

As for me, I believe that if there's a God - and I am as neutral on the subject as is possible - then the most basic proof of His existence is black humor. What else explains it, that odd, reliable comfort that billows up at the worst moments, like a beautiful sunset woven out of the smoke over a bombed city.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

My drawings and paintings were done as an act of protest; I was trying by means of my work to convince the world that it is ugly, sick and hypocritical.

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Such techniques, including meta-discursive stuff, self-reference, irony, black humor, cynicism, grotesquerie and shock, it would be safe to say that television or televisual values rule the culture. Television is successfully using a lot of those same techniques but using them for a very different agenda, which is to sort of create an ethos and please people and to sell products to consumers.

Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

You have to accept the fact that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue.